Slow and Steady Wins the Race

Hello friends!

How is it possible that more than a month has gone by since my last update?!  I guess it's a good thing that time is going by quickly, because when I think about how far we are from traveling to China I get really discouraged, but thinking about how quickly the past two months have gone gives me hope that these next ones will pass by quickly too.

I would love to tell you that I have a lot of new information to share regarding our adoption progress, but that sadly is not really the case.   We have made significant progress, just not as much as I would have liked. One of the main reasons you haven't heard from us is that there really just wasn't much information to share.  And I know that you had no interest in hearing me whine and complain about how slow everything seemed to be moving through these past couple of steps.

Another reason is that I really just needed some time to grieve through the experience of having had to say no to the first file match.  I was not expecting to be matched that early in the process, and was definitely not prepared to have to say no to a file.  I still pray for that little boy every single day.  His file is still on our agency's website which means he has not yet been matched with a family.  Please join me in saying a prayer that he will be matched soon.

Here is what has changed since my last post.

We enjoyed a wonderful Christmas holiday spending time with my parents.  My mom is going through some medical issues right now and may be feeling a little under the weather these next few months, so it was really nice to spend some quality time together and getting out and having some fun while she was still feeling up to it.  We grilled steaks on Christmas day and took a drive out to a local lake (because when it's 45 and sunny on Christmas day in Michigan... you feel the need to be at the lake I guess), we visited our local public museum, saw a movie at the theater using a gift card I've been saving up, and just enjoyed our time together.

On Monday 12/28 I sent the first 11 documents in to our adoption agency, and also notified them that we would not be pursuing the file of the little boy I had told you about.

 Here is what a 95% completed Dossier looks like:

I had already scheduled the day off work, and was able to walk in early for my fingerprinting, and thankfully they allowed me to do so.  This all worked out wonderfully because I got the paper I needed in order to do my fingerprints that day the Saturday before, just in the nick of time.
James had a busy week at work that week, so he wasn't able to go in and get his fingerprints done until his scheduled appointment time, the following Monday (1/4).
The fingerprinting is required for our US Immigration, and once you get fingerprinted you are waiting one on little piece of paper to be mailed to you to tell you that you are approved to adopt by the Department of Homeland Security.  From everything I had been reading and seeing in the adoption groups on Facebook, people were getting their approval letters on average 4-10 days after their fingerprinting appointments.  Once this paper arrived, it needed to be notarized, certified, sent to the consulate for authentication and THEN sent to our agency to complete our Dossier.

Let me tell you how hard it was to come home every day from work to check the mailbox and get NOTHING for over 2 weeks.  It doesn't help that we can only get to the Secretary of State on Wednesday nights and Saturday mornings, so each Friday and Tuesday the form didn't come it was extra disappointing.
The approval FINALLY came on Friday 1/22-  Happy Birthday to me (Yahoo for being 30 and officially old enough to adopt from China)!  So of course the next morning we raced to the bank to get it notarized and then to the Secretary of State to have it certified.  By Monday at lunchtime it was on it's way to Chicago to be authenticated.  I thought we would JUST squeak in under the deadline to get it to our agency so they could get it to China before the Chinese government closes for Chinese New Year (CNY).  Sadly,I have learned that is not the case... we missed it by about 2 days.  The form will arrive to our agency tomorrow, but since the shutdown begins next week, our agency won't mail it until after CNY to avoid it getting lost.  Totally understandable, but this is the step we've been so eagerly waiting for for so long and it was a bit of a bummer to hear that it will be delayed by at least another week.

My initial goal was to be DTC (Dossier to China) by December 31, but the delays with our home study made it clear that wouldn't happen.  Then I set the goal of having that step reached for my birthday, but of course the delay with our fingerprinting approval held that up.  And now another delay that is out of our control-the biggest holiday of the year in China.  But honestly, that is just the name of the game in international adoption- you can do everything in your power to get things done quickly, but so much of the process is really just waiting on things are are totally beyond your control.  Facebook is such a blessing to be able to be in touch with so many other adoptive families-  to share advice, ask questions, and learn so much about this crazy journey we are on- but it can also be dangerous, because there is a huge temptation to constantly measure your progress against everyone else.  I was in touch with a number of people who were fingerprinted weeks after we were and got their approval sooner.  Why? We will never know, and really it doesn't matter.  This adoption will happen according to God's plan and not ours.  Everything will come to be in his perfect timing.

Our next steps are getting that DTC email from our agency (this step is a huge deal in the adoption journey because it means that all of our paperwork is done, it's in order, and it's shipped to China!)
A few days to a few weeks later (or in our case, maybe a few months, lol)... we'll receive notification that we are LID (Logged In Dossier).  This means that China has acknowledged receipt of our paperwork and we are logged into their computer system.  At this stage we are eligible to receive matches of children with more mild special needs.   It is said that you can usually expect to travel approximately 4 months after you are LID.

Between LID and travel is another slew of paperwork, and of course more waiting.

At this point, we are assuming the earliest we might travel is June.  We were really hoping to travel sooner, as airfare costs double during June/July/August, but as long as we have kiddo home before Christmas next year we won't complain!  There are of course certain benefits to getting to travel in June... that means that our time off from work will also coincide with my favorite months of the year, and  will allow us to have more than a week of  "summer vacation" just one time in our adult lives.  This is not necessarily good news for my coworkers, as these are the busiest months of the year in our industry, but of course I have no control whatsoever over when we get to go to China. I will feel bad leaving during such a busy time, but after waiting this long to finally meet our child, there will be nothing holding me back from traveling at the first available opportunity.

It seems like we have been on this journey for so long already, but in reality it hasn't even been a year yet!  I saw on my personal Facebook the other day in my "on this day" app that it was just about one year ago exactly that we really started exploring the idea of adopting.  So in one year, we went from thinking about adopting to having all the initial paperwork done and turned in to do so!

Because we know that aboslutely no progress in our case will occur during the next couple of weeks, we are using this time to get as many applications in for grants as possible.  We have been working so hard to save every penny possible these past 6 months, and have also been so incredibly blessed by your generous contributions to our fundraisers, but we are still figuring we have between $7,000-$9,000 to come up with,  so we are going to submit as many applications for adoption grants as we can.

Our kitchen table has looked like this for months, and I don't see that changing any time soon.

It's hard not to stress about the finances in this process, but just as God promised on that night back in March, He has been faithful at each step along this journey.  Last week we submitted our second round of big fees, and between what we had saved up from the puzzle fundraiser and our personal savings we had exactly enough to cover the costs. 

And while my head spins at the thought that we still have 2/3 or more of the adoption costs ahead of us (a large portion being the travel costs), I know that God will provide.  Worry Less, Love More, right?

Puzzle Update

Today marks exactly 3 months since we began our Puzzle Fundraiser, and our puzzle is a little over 25% complete!  So far, we have received sponsorship for 257 of the 1,000 pieces, and have 743 still available.    If we were to sponsor each one of the remaining pieces at an average of $10 each, our adoption would be fully funded!  (Pieces can be sponsored for as little as $1.00 each- see complete instructions here:

Here is how the puzzle looks today:

The pieces right side up are the ones that are still available.  While I realize we may never complete the entire puzzle, I really hope to at least finish the border and the big dragon before our trip to China.

Thank you so much to all of you who pray for us, who follow along in our journey, and who let us know that you're thinking of us.  It really means the world to us to know that we aren't alone in this journey, and we hope that in another month or two we'll have a picture of a precious child to share with you all!

I wish you all a happy, health, 2016!

If you have any interest in Chinese culture, do a little research on the Chinese New Year celebrations.  2016 is the year of the Monkey, and the Chinese New Year beings February 7th.  We might head to a local celebration this weekend that is being sponsored by our home study agency to learn more about the holiday for ourselves.

A Weary Heart Rejoices

Merry Christmas to all of my friends!

I hope that you have enjoyed a wonderful Holiday weekend full of love, laughter, hugs, and HOPE!

It has taken me a few days to gather my thoughts in order to write this update.

Though we HAVE had a wonderful Christmas, full of love, laughter, hugs and hope, our Christmas admittedly started off a little rough.

As you may remember, we were matched with a child's profile on December 15th, and were told we had until Monday,  December 21st to reach a decision.  We had requested additional information regarding that child's medical diagnosis and current condition, but were told if the information didn't come back before Monday the 21st we would have to make a decision regardless.  As you remember, James and I had decided that unless we DID hear back, and the information we got painted a drastically more severe picture than what we currently saw, we were going to proceed with the file.

Monday came and went, and I never heard from the adoption agency one way or the other.  I called them on my way home from work, expecting to be told they needed our commitment to move forward with the file that night.  Instead, she told me we could wait until Wednesday to see if the information requested came in.  I was a little disappointed, just because I was eager to move out of the "uncertainty" stage and ready to make a commitment, but trusted that this was happening for a reason and it was probably wise to give it a little more time.

I did not hear anything Tuesday, so again on Wednesday morning I emailed them asking if there was any news and what we needed to do.  She said there was in fact a response from the orphanage, and that she would sent it to me right away, but we needed to let them know that day, before they closed for the Holiday.  I quickly punched out for lunch so that I could review the information.  Unfortunately, what I saw when I opened the files was the worst case scenario.... our little boy's condition was MUCH more severe than had initially been implied.  We had inferred from the earlier information that he had never had surgery on his legs, but now that we got pictures without all the big puffy clothing on, we saw that his legs had scars in multiple locations, indicating at least 2 or three prior surgeries.  There was no muscle tone whatsoever, and we were also informed that he experiences a lot of pain, and is in pain whenever the nannies bump him.  We were also told this he has problem with all of his joints.  This does not mean that we were intentionally misled or lied to with the first set of information.  We will never know why some of this information wasn't included in the original file, and at the end of the day, that isn't important.

Suddenly our future went from raising a child who will likely be able to stand and walk after therapy and a possible surgery or two, to raising a child who will likely never be able to stand or walk, and is a large deal of pain right now.  Of course anything is possible... it's impossible to diagnose a patient from a few photographs.  However, with adoption you have to prepare yourself for the worst case scenario.  You have to be committed to the worst case scenario.  And for the sake of this child, you have to be sure that you can handle the worst case scenario.

I began scrambling to contact every doctor and adoptive mother I had talked to regarding his suspected diagnosis over the past week.  Thankfully, I did get quite a bit of information back by the end of the day, but I hated the idea of making a decision without talking to James face to face. The doctors who did respond were all in agreement this this child was now a severe case, and would likely never stand or walk independently.   I contacted the agency asking for at least until 6 pm EST (they are 2 hours behind us) and they said we could actually just take until Monday the 28th, because they were not able to match him to another family this late in the day anyway.

I think I knew in my heart right away that we didn't have what this little boy needs, but I wasn't ready to admit that to myself or to anyone else.  I was feeling so lost, so heartbroken, so confused.  How could something that felt SO RIGHT just days before, feel so wrong now?  How could I have felt so much peace, and have been so convinced about God's plan for this child in our lives, and now have all of that unravel before my eyes?  My heart just ached for this little boy, and his scarred legs, thinking of how scary it was to go through those painful surgeries without a mom and a dad to comfort you and hold you through the pain.  Man, adoption is just HARD sometimes.  You know going into this journey that it's going to be hard, but you have no idea in what ways.

I hoped from day one that we would never have to say no to a file, that God would somehow match us to the perfect child for our family on the first file assigned.  It was so hard for me to reconcile the idea that even if we did not accept this file, we were not being disobedient to God's calling for us.  I reached out to my adoptive community for support, and was overwhelmed with encouragement and understanding, but I still had to go through a grieving process that I wasn't prepared to go through.  I think I spent most of Wednesday night in a state of grief and shock.  I just felt so confused and so lost.

There were so many "God sightings" those first few days after being assigned his file, and so many reasons why we were SO CONFIDENT that this was our child, and that no matter what happened, God was going to provide us with whatever we needed to care for him.  But now I could also say that maybe it was God's doing that the agency gave us those extra days, and that we got the additional information, He was protecting us from getting in too deep.  The thing about God's plan is.... we'll never be able to comprehend or understand it.  Just when we think we have it all figured out, He reminds us that we don't have a clue... our minds just aren't big enough.  We just have to pray, and trust, and seek direction with each new day.  The more I sought direction with this situation, the more I felt that it was ok to acknowledge our limits, and it was ok to admit that this child's needs were just beyond our limits of care of provision.

It wasn't a matter of whether we were willing to make sacrifices- I wasn't sad for ourselves about raising a child with limitations.  I was sad and heartbroken to think of not being able to give him the best life possible.  And in my heart, I knew it wasn't fair to anyone to bring this child into our home.  We simply aren't in a place to provide for this child.  It's so hard to say that, because I know full-well that when you have your own children, that's not a choice you get to make.  You can't choose what condition your child might or not be born with, and whatever they are born with, you make the best life you possibly can for them, no matter what it takes.  But it was important to remind myself that this child has already suffered the consequences of ill-prepared parents once in his life. From here on out, he deserves parents who have everything he needs.  And it's humbling to admit that you just don't have those things.  By letting ourselves say no, we will be allowing ourselves to say YES to a file that we can adequately provide for.  And hopefully, in another year or two, we can say YES again.  And maybe again... who knows :). 

Over and over again, however, others reminded me that I needed to listen to my intuition- that if I didn't have peace about moving forward, this wasn't our son, and I needed to release his file so that his parents could find him.  It felt like I was betraying him, like I wasn't being faithful to God's promise to provide for our needs.  However, I knew that if it was the right thing to do, I would be feeling peace about it, and I just wasn't, and neither was James.  We thought about the fact that it was very likely that accepting this file would mean I would have to quit my job  and how that would mean we wouldn't be able to adopt any other children.  We thought about the fact that we would likely have to rehome our animals so they weren't bumping him and causing him pain, and how we probably couldn't send him to daycare, that we would need to move, get a new vehicle, and so on...  there were a lot of reasons that told us we just weren't the right parents for him.  At this point in our lives, we do not have the resources to provide for the needs he has.  We will always think of him, and will always be praying for him.  I hope that somehow I can advocate for him, and that maybe even I'll see someone post about adopting him one day and will be able to follow his story.  One good thing is that now all of the information we gathered will remain a part of his file, so that the next time he is matched to a family, they will get everything up front, so they will be able to make a more informed decision from the start.

We attended my family Christmas party on Christmas Eve.  The party where I imagined I would be passing around his photo, introducing our newest family member.  Instead I had to explain to those who had read the good news about what had happened, and I feared having to deliver bad news on such a happy occasion.  Thankfully, everyone was (of course) more than understanding, and extremely supportive.  Not that I expected any less, it's just a hard thing to deal with. We also were able to spend a little bit of time with James' grandparents and mom, and they were also in agreement with our decision.

We have not officially declined his file, just because our agency is closed, but as soon as we decided that would be our decision, and we told our close family and friends, we both felt the peace we were looking for before.  We knew we were making the right decision, not just for US, but for HIM.  Please join us in praying for this little boy in China, whose legs don't work, and who is in pain.  Pray that he is matched with a family who can give him the life he deserves, and pray that he finds relief from his pain and knows the love and comfort of a mom and dad soon.

Now for the REJOICING!

Christmas Eve we got a special package in the mail- our first 12 documents came back from Authentication!  They are all ready to be sent to our agency to go in our Dossier.  One thing I thought was sort of neat is that they are all signed by John Kerry (original signatures, no stamp!).  Kind of crazy to think of someone so well-known handling our documents and signing them.  I wonder how many of these he does every day...

And one more celebration- my fingerprinting notice finally came today!  I was really hoping this would happen, as I have Monday off work.  I'm going to try and walk in early to try and get my fingerprinting done on Monday so that I don't have to try and go before work on my scheduled day and have to be late getting there and just deal with all of that stress.  Keep your fingers crossed for me that they let me do this.  Strangely, James' approval didn't come.  His will likely arrive Monday or Tuesday, so we will just have to go at separate times.

Who knew that paperwork in the mail could be SOOO exciting?!

And finally, one more cause for rejoicing!  If you remember, the day we first go news that we had a match, we had also gotten bad news regarding the health of a family member.
Well, this time, the day we got bad news about the child's file... we got GOOD news about our family member.  They had some additional tests run, and they came back with favorable results, so the situation isn't any worse than what we had already been told- praise God!

So there you have it... a weary heart rejoicing.  We will continue to keep you all posted regarding the status of our adoption, but I promise, next time I won't post news about a match until we have locked everything in- no more emotional roller coasters for our readers! Just because we go through them doesn't mean you all have to as well.

Thank you to each of you who shared in our joy last week- I really wish I didn't have to bear the bad news that I did today. :(  Please pray for continued guidance and direction as we navigate this difficult journey.